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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24215290">about last night</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wxnuwu/pseuds/wxnuwu'>wxnuwu</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>GOT7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Loss of Virginity, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Soft Choi Youngjae, Soft Im Jaebum | JB, i feel like those tags still suck sorry, i have a huge kink for jaebeoms long hair, i made multiple chapters now yay, jaebeom saves his ass from jackson, oh jackson gets mentioned, okay there is a slight plot, youngjae keeps making out with people</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:47:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,221</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24215290</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/wxnuwu/pseuds/wxnuwu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>it wasn't unusual for him to end in a situation like this, it wasn't the first time that he'd end up drunk, talking about how lonely he was and it was definitely not the first time he'd ask for help with this. but it was different that night. </p><p>or 2jae just being the perfect match</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Youngjae/Im Jaebum | JB</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>64</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. you saved me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi this is pretty much my first time writing an os in english, i hope yall like it and my grammar is not the worst ;;</p><p>edit: so ive been editing the spacing because ive been told the huge paragraphs are harder to read.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>it wasn't unusual for him to end in a situation like this, it wasn't the first time that he'd end up drunk, talking about how lonely he was and it was definitely not the first time he'd ask for help with this.</p><p>but it was different that night, it wasn't just one of those nights where he would make out until they couldn't stand the pressure in their pants anymore, until they'd make each other cum all over.</p><p>he was one of those who'd leave in the morning, without a word, not leaving the slightest trace of his existence or the fact that last night really happened.</p><p>he has never been going further than that though, he was a virgin to say the least, actually a pretty shy and introverted one. he hated the attention one would spent when they were looking at his tiny and thin figure, he was way too afraid of the way his body would ache and feel vulnerable, being used by someone who was stronger, manlier, more robust for pleasure.</p><p>the thought was scary to him, yet again the alcohol made him drift away from those concepts, it would cloud his mind until he couldn't ignore the empty feeling in his chest no more. he was addicted to the way those men would make him feel safe, addicted to their perfume lingering in his nose, addicted to the numb feeling of his lips, the longer they would kiss.</p><p>but still he would never be satisfied, no one would be good enough to consider another night with - they don't care anyways.</p><p>how many of them would kick him out if their place or car or wherever they wanted to hook up because the small boy would tell them his preconditions. nothing further than touching his dick, no butt stuff, no sucking on any parts other than his lips and tongue, no bruises, no freaky bullshit. he wouldn't accept any but's.</p><p>that night the honey blonde boy was sitting in his usual space, ordering another shot from the barkeeper, he wasn't at his best that day and it showed.</p><p>he was slowly getting drunk, hanging around there for hours already but nobody had approached him yet, not a single lonely soul would make their way up to his slender body. his eyes made their way towards the clock, almost one a.m. maybe he should just call it a night.</p><p>at the edge of giving up a tall guy greeted him, shooting a beautiful smile at him. "you look lonely," he said with a low voice, making the young boy shiver.</p><p>he eyed every part of the male in front of him. his blonde hair was neatly slicked back, his arms were muscular, perfect for pressing someone against his chest, while sharing heated kisses, his dark orbs dripping shameless with lust, not a single thought about hiding his intentions.</p><p>the smaller boy shifted in his seat, barely able to stand the glare of the probably older male. he bit his lip, swallowing hard before he glanced up to make eye contact.</p><p>"how about i spend you a drink, mh?" he asked in his raspy voice, which had the boy crossing his legs to hide his trembling legs from the dominant kind of way that man behaved. his voice was stern, he wasn't really asking if he could spend him a drink, he was literally demanding it.</p><p>"fine," the shy boy replied with a soft nod, still nibbling at his lower lip.</p><p>"no need to be nervous, huh?" the other said with a light chuckle, reaching over to his face to brush his rough fingers over his lip.</p><p>a weird feeling spread throughout his chest, he suddenly didn't feel too well about this man's appearance, something about him was odd.</p><p>maybe he just wasn't drunk enough yet to stop being that paranoid.</p><p>he tried to just relax while the long fingers of the other lingered through his hair, making their way to his neck and shoulder, flashing another polite smile.</p><p>"what's your name, pretty boy?"</p><p>he asked after ordering the alcoholic drinks, completely focused on the pretty features of the male sitting in front of him.</p><p>"youngjae. and yours?"</p><p>the older smiled. "such a pretty name for such a pretty boy," he said.</p><p>youngjae cringed at his words, that was pretty much the most basic pick up line he ever heard.</p><p>"i'm jackson." it grew quiet for a second, youngjae only nodding.</p><p>"you're not from here right? jackson's not quite a common name."</p><p>he nodded. "not only pretty but a smart one too, huh? i'm actually from china. came here to make it big in the music industry but i've keep being unlucky."</p><p>"so you're a singer?" but jackson shook his head. "a rapper."</p><p>youngjae never had a rapper. or a singer. or any kind of to be famous person. if they would hook up and jackson would make it big he could say that he shared a night with a star.</p><p>youngjae chuckled at this thought, quickly brushing it away as soon as it popped up.</p><p>"already having bad thoughts, huh?" jackson leaned a bit against the bar counter looking around the cozy room filled with drunk people, young and old, bodies pressed together, grinding against each other in anticipation.</p><p>"i've seen you a few times sitting here," jackson confessed after a few seconds of silence, "but i've been either too shy to talk to you or too slow. you seem to be… busy a lot?"</p><p>youngjae's cheeks heated up. this sounded like he was some kind of prostitute, a whore or whatever they wanted to call it.</p><p>well he kind of was.</p><p>he only shrugged at his comment before he spoke up. "someone like you shouldn't be shy around someone like me. you want to be an idol, you are going to be standing in front of hundreds and hundreds of people," he stated, again chuckling at the blonde males words.</p><p>"touché," jackson replied, shrugging, while his pretty lips formed another smile as well.</p><p>that guy knew how to make the tension fade asap and youngjae felt definitely happy about it.</p><p>the male turned around again for a few moments before presenting youngjae his drink.</p><p>it was red at the top, turning into a orange yellowish color the further he looked down. "aw it's so pretty," the words slipped out, making him want to punch himself for this childish comment. he was 21 not 12 for fucks sake.</p><p>jackson only laughed a bit. "you're so cute," he said, wanting to clink their glasses when another male came by, accidentally hitting youngjae so his drink spilled all over the place.</p><p>youngjae shivered from the cold sticky substance while jackson's eyes darkened. "are you out of your mind?" jackson mumbled a string of insults while helping youngjae to clean himself a bit.</p><p>"excuse me," the tall black haired boy said, strands of his long locks falling to his face. "let me pay for that," he continued, getting his wallet out.</p><p>jackson only let out a quiet 'tsk' turning the other down. "fuck off, i got this."</p><p>youngjae looked at the invader now, feeling his heart skip a beat at the sight.</p><p>this was probably the most handsome man he has ever seen and he was with a whole lot of handsome men. he wasn't that basic kind of handsome, he was different, youngjae could tell.</p><p>he wouldn't admit it but his whole game of seducing men made him quite aware of different kind of behaviours, he was excellent in reading people.</p><p>youngjae was rubbing his palms on his wet and sticky slacks, getting up from his seat. "it's fine really," he mumbled, looking up to the taller male.</p><p>he didn't properly talk to him but he felt some kind of tension between them, it made him gulp.</p><p>"well then," he only spoke, but it was barely audible.</p><p>he turned away, making the younger a bit sad, he didn't even know his name. youngjae watched the man disappear in the crowd again just as he appeared and turned towards jackson again.</p><p>"let's get going, youngjae," jackson suddenly said, "we can have a drink at my place." he was grabbing his hand, trying to make a few steps toward the exit.</p><p>his tone had changed, there was less of this kind but stern one as more a dominant and angered sound in it.</p><p>"actually i really want to head home," youngjae protested, his palms sweaty, "i don't feel like staying in wet clothes all night." he tried to laugh it off but jackson didn't look pleased.</p><p>"well then i'll take you home."</p><p>"a cab will do it," he tried to get rid of the blonde male, the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach kicking in again.</p><p>he really had an odd feeling about jackson, he wanted to leave as soon as possible and be alone, he was rather lonely than around this guy anymore.</p><p>jackson furrowed his brows, shaking his head. "c'mon we wanted to have some fun, right? that's what you're doing with the other men every night. you think you're not having a reputation by now?" he stated in a low growl, his desperation showing with every word.</p><p>"reputation," youngjae repeated under his breath, being taken aback by the sound of it.</p><p>"yes, they say you're great fun for a night. but they also say you're prude," jackson kept going, again inspecting the boy from head to toe, "what kind of slut are you, not even sucking your special friends off?"</p><p>"i am not a slut," youngjae let out a bit too loud a few heads turning towards them.</p><p>jackson chuckled at the youngers red cheeks, the way he would try to make himself smaller to avoid the gazes.</p><p>"how much, huh?"</p><p>youngjae didn't quite understand.</p><p>"i mean how much do i have to pay?"</p><p>this guy was crazy. did he really just offer money to sleep with him?</p><p>"what the fuck? i don't want your money. i just want to go home."</p><p>the blonde male still didn't look pleased, grabbing the younger's wrist and pulling him to his chest again. "fine, okay. we can stay here then, okay? let me pay for another drink, you owe me this."</p><p>youngjae was still uneasy, shaking his head, almost pleading. "please, i really just want to go home. i am sorry, i just really want to leave."</p><p>jackson was quiet for a brief moment, before he let out a sigh.</p><p>he wasn't too much of a good guy, he was desperate, he had planned this whole thing out, but this tall guy did him dirty.</p><p>"fuck it," he mumbled, knowing that he didn't had a chance getting this boy laid without intruding his privacy.</p><p>but he wasn't that much of a bad guy either.</p><p>so he just nodded a bit, tried to start another complaint but youngjae already spun around and started walking away.</p><p>it was less walking, the boy was literally running, fighting his way through the crowd, still afraid jackson could be after him.</p><p>only a few moments passed before he was sucking in cold air into his lungs, only now realizing how hot he had felt.</p><p>his heart pounded against his chest, still trying to realize what had happened.</p><p>this guy really had offered him money to fuck him. jackson really had called him a slut, making him so uncomfortable right then and there.</p><p>he felt stared at by everyone, he could literally hear them whispering behind his back which made his whole body ache. tears built up in his eyes, before he heard a voice approaching him.</p><p>"you need a ride home?"</p><p>the black haired from before asked with a slight smile on his plump lips.</p><p>youngjae shook his head, smiling back at him. "i'm just gonna call a cab. please i-"</p><p>"i am not gonna rape you or something, i just wanna be nice okay? look i've already saved you from being drugged, i'm the good guy here."</p><p>youngjae gave him a confused look. "drugged?"</p><p>the male laughed a bit. "i saw him putting something in your drink when you were looking around the bar. you are really naïve, kid."</p><p>the honey blonde boy furrowed his brows. "excuse me, you're acting as if you are much older than me? when were you born, huh?"</p><p>"how about we talk about this on your way home? you must be freezing."</p><p>youngjae still wasn't too sure about this but he gave in.</p><p>this guy didn't seem as dangerous as jackson, also he already saved him once.</p><p>"alright. where's your car?" the taller male smirked a bit, making a step into the direction they had to go.</p><p>"just follow me."</p><p>the younger giggled at the man's attitude, he seemed kinda chill, funny, he already kind of enjoyed his company. he quickly followed after him, shooting a few glares at the man.</p><p>his shirt was hanging loose from his body, an oversized jeans jacket on top, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, his pants toned his legs, showing off the thick thighs. a few of his locks were tied in a bun, the rest of it hanging over his neck. the shoulders were broad, he must be at least six feet tall. his hands seemed huge but soft, his lower arms showing off two deep scars. his face was toned, he looked really masculine, his nose was pierced along with his eye. two silver balls displayed under it, a ring through his nose.</p><p>"what's your name by the way?" youngjae finally broke the silence, earning the others attention.</p><p>"jaebeom," he simply answered, opening his car from afar. "and you are?"</p><p>"youngjae," the boy answered just as simply.</p><p>jaebeom opened the passenger door for him, flashing a smile at him. "well then take a seat, youngjae."</p><p>the boy smiled a bit at how sweet this guy acted. "thanks," he said, shivering a bit in the cool fabric beneath him.</p><p>jaebeom closed the door, before he got in the car as well. he took off his jacket, lazily throwing it in youngjae's lap before fastening his seatbelt.</p><p>with a loud roar the engine started, quickly leaving the parking lot. "where do you live?" was jaebeom's next question.</p><p>of course he would ask, youngjae said he wanted to go home after all.</p><p>but he actually didn't wanted anyone to see the place he called home. he had his reasons why being alone was terrible, why he spent almost every night in someone else's bed rather than his own, if not in a stranger's bed he would wake up in his best friend's bed, annoying the older with his presence.</p><p>"i changed my mind," he mumbled under his breath, fiddling with the button's on the jacket. "can i stay at your place?"</p><p>jaebeom gazed at the honey blonde boy, being a bit confused about his suddenly careless behaviour after he hesitated to accept his offer just minutes ago.</p><p>he stayed quiet for a few more seconds, trying to figure the probably younger one out, he thought that he probably was afraid of being alone or something.</p><p>he also knew about youngjae and his make out sessions, just as probably everyone else in the bar did.</p><p>"i mean, i don't mind," he mumbled, shrugging a bit, "as long as you're comfortable?"</p><p>it was more of a question, he didn't really know how to treat this boy, aside from the fact that this soft boy is staying in another bed every night. jaebeom couldn't really believe it, he actually didn't want to.</p><p>it grew quiet again, only the music playing lowly from the radio, making the silence less awkward.</p><p>youngjae's gaze was caught by a pack of cigarettes in the center console, before he looked at the other male again. "you're a smoker?"</p><p>jaebeom followed his eyes, nodded a bit. "you too?"</p><p>but youngjae shook his head. "no."</p><p>the desperate try of a conversation failed again.</p><p>"by the way i was born in 1994. and you?"</p><p>youngjae pouted. he really was younger than him. "96," he whispered, now looking out of the window.</p><p>he didn't know this part of the town. it seemed like some kind of suburb, nice and cozy.</p><p>"i told you i'm older," jaebeom giggled cocky, making the other laugh.</p><p>as they reached one of the huge apartment complexes jaebeom pulled the car over, stopped it right in front of the door.</p><p>"welcome to my place."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. get to know you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>"welcome to my place."</em>
</p><p>he quickly jumped off the car, quickly putting his belongings into his pockets before opening youngjae's door once again.</p><p>youngjae was still touched by the way this guy treated him, loving the way his jacket had a dark and masculine scent yet reminding him of strawberries. it hung over his shoulders as jaebeom brought him inside the elevator, pressing the button for the 16th floor.</p><p>"can i ask you something?"</p><p>youngjae mumbled as the doors closed, having jaebeom nodding at him. "i saw the scars on your wrist. what happened?"</p><p>jaebeom lifted his arm a bit, showing off the dark pinkish wounds. "i used to live with cats you know. one of them was a bit wild," he giggled, then again looking a bit sad. "i've left them at my parents place when i moved out. only seeing them now and then," he continued with a shrug, the male only nodding slightly.</p><p>when he first spottet the marks on jaebeom's arm he thought that it was probably due to selfharm or even a suicide attempt.</p><p>the cat story was pretty basic, something told youngjae that it was the truth. he wanted to believe it.</p><p>the door's opened with a ting, before the two males stepped out and walked through the silent floors.</p><p>it was dead quiet in there, youngjae felt like everyone could hear him breathing.</p><p>"you probably want to take a quick shower, right? you must be hella sticky," the black haired mumbled, trying to make as little noise as possible when he unlocked the door. the other nodded, entering the apartment with him.</p><p>his gazes shot around, a hundred impressions at once. the older one was pretty neat, nothing seemed to be misplaced.</p><p>he hung his keys to a key board, before undoing his shoes and neatly placing them next to the others. "i'll show you the bathroom and get you something to change into, alright?"</p><p>youngjae could only nod again, he felt kinda weird being there.</p><p>usually he would now make out with the person he was leaving with but jaebeom had no interest in this.</p><p>"i'll get the bed ready for you too. don't worry i'll be sleeping on the sofa." youngjae followed the older again, leaving the jacket on the backrest of his sofa.</p><p>"you don't have to. i don't mind-"</p><p>"i actually do," jaebeom answered, "i don't want to sound rude but, you know, you're cute and stuff but you're really not my type. i don't want you to get the wrong idea."</p><p>ouch, youngjae's never been rejected like that.</p><p>though jaebeom was the worst liar youngjae seemed to buy it, only nodding before disappearing behind the bathroom door.</p><p>jaebeom felt sorry but he didn't want to risk anything. this boy seriously was the cutest human being he has ever been around, the way he would giggle, the way he wouldn't stop fiddling with his fingers due to being nervous. he had jaebeom's heart melting away but he couldn't tell that.</p><p>jaebeom couldn't tell him that he was watching him for a while already, but he was never bold enough to approach him. he wasn't interested in youngjae in the way all the others were.</p><p>he wanted to get to know the boy, wanted to get to know his story.</p><p>now that they were at his place, now that he had the chance to finally talk to him he felt like he forgot how korean works.</p><p>meanwhile youngjae was about to get undressed, when the black haired male knocked on the door again, giving him a huge shirt and sweatpants, along with some boxershorts and socks.</p><p>"thanks," youngjae only replied again, quickly locking the door now and getting fully undressed. he shot a few glances in the mirror before stepping into the shower, feeling the hot water hitting his neck and back first. a heavy sigh left his lips, a shiver running down his spine.</p><p>this jaebeom guy really was something, youngjae thought to himself, not his type he said. what type of guy did jaebeom like? the ugly one? or was he even straight? nah, he wouldn't have said it in that case.</p><p>maybe it wasn't true. maybe it was because of youngjae. because of his behaviour, making out with all that men could be much of a turn off, he assumed.</p><p>youngjae felt the uncomfortable feeling creeping up his skin more and more with every thought that crossed his mind so he decided to quickly finish his shower and just head to bed.</p><p>the faster he would sleep the faster he could leave.</p><p>it were the nights that he hated, that they were long and dark and no one was around to save him from his mind.</p><p>he turned off the water as he finished his shower, wrapping himself in a towel and quickly getting dressed.</p><p>jaebeom’s shirt had the same scent as his jacket before, except that it was like a hundred times bigger. the arms fell to his elbows, the hem almost to his knees, the sweatpants were pretty loose, youngjae overall felt tiny.</p><p>not like he wasn’t already small next to jaebeom.</p><p>barely ten minutes had passed since he had first entered the bathroom, the apartment lay in darkness as he came back out, only a faint lamp next to the sofa spent light.</p><p>"jaebeom?" youngjae whispered as he spotted him under a blanket on the dark blue fabric.</p><p>the older turned around, a pair of glasses on his face.</p><p>he looked adorable.</p><p>"thanks for letting me shower. i guess… i'll head to bed now."</p><p>the older once again nodded, only wishing him a good night. "sleep well hyung," youngjae replied, "good night."</p><p>the bedroom door slammed shut, silence fell over the two boys again - not like they ever got rid of it.</p><p>youngjae laid there his eyes slowly getting used to the darkness.</p><p>jaebeom's bedroom was incredibly pale, barely any pictures on the walls, a huge closet on the opposite side, the bed in between two windows, both a huge dark curtain in front. the walls were painted in white and blue, the heavy sheets on his bed fitting this color scheme perfectly.</p><p>his eyes were glued to the ceiling, his thoughts still clinging to jaebeom's words before.</p><p>the darkness surrounding him making him feel just as lost as he felt in his own bed.</p><p>his eyes locked with the dark wooden door only a split second before he got out of the bed and tiptoed to it, just to open it a tiny bit. jaebeom who was still wide awake shot an asking gaze at him, making the younger blush.</p><p>"i- uhm i am afraid of the darkness?" he asked more than he actually stated, leaving the black haired male only nodding.</p><p>his hair now was almost fully up in a bun only a few strands hanging onto his milky white skin.</p><p>youngjae wanted to turn around and leave for bed again but he stayed still, still staring at the older.</p><p>"can i ask you something?"</p><p>jaebeom, who never drew his attention off the younger, nod only once again.</p><p>"is it because of my reputation?" he asked barely audible for the older, but he indeed heard him, his eyes widening at the question.</p><p>"that's not it, youngjae, i told you, you're just not my type and i don't want you to misunderstand," he repeated his lie again, hoping youngjae and he himself would believe it.</p><p>"i feel like you're lying to me. so i thought it must be this. i just wanted to make sure that you're not uncomfortable around me."</p><p>jaebeom bit down his lip, laying the book, he currently tried to read, down on the gueridon and got up.</p><p>"look, i… it really isn't this i've never… i haven't been sharing a bed with anyone to be honest. and lying next to someone who is… this pretty and precious? i couldn't really stand this."</p><p>youngjae blushed furiously, this was pretty much the opposite from you're pretty much not my type. he shifted from one leg to another, again obviously losing his cool.</p><p>the hot dude just kinda confessed that youngjae was indeed his type.</p><p>"there's a first time for everything," youngjae tried to say, but his voice only weak and broken, his throat dry and felt sore, "i mean your bed is… huge. there's enough space. i really hate being alone."</p><p>he felt like it was more of a plea, he felt his whole body trembling at the cold under his feet and the excitement in his stomach.</p><p>jaebeom only sighed, grabbing his book and making a few steps towards the honey blonde male. he stood only inches away from him, staring down at him, making youngjae's knees feeling like putty.</p><p>"if you want me to sleep in there you need to let me in," he spoke as they were still standing there, none of them moving a single muscle.</p><p>"ah, yeah. i'm sorry." youngjae got out of the way, pressing his hot body against the cool wood. he gulped hard, his whole body seemed to tense up at the man's presence.</p><p>but in a good way.</p><p>"holy, youngjae calm your fucking balls," he thought, lightly slapping his face, "come to your senses."</p><p>jaebeom laid down under the blanket already, his book again the only thing to which he devoted his attention.</p><p>the slightly smaller boy laid down next to him, leaving space for at least one more person in between them.</p><p>after a few minutes which were passing painfully slowly, youngjae turned to face jaebeom, again appreciating all his beautiful features. his eyes glued to the page filled with probably the most poetic words youngjae had ever heard, the huge glasses only making the sight prettier to youngjae, the way jaebeom would lick over his plump lips now and then, moving a bit in his seat.</p><p>"what are you reading?" youngjae broke the silence again, shifting a bit closer to get a sight at the book.</p><p>"it's poetry," the other replied, not really looking at him, only turning the pages again.</p><p>"can you read out to me?"</p><p>now jaebeom was looking at the boy, his eyes showing confusion behind the thick glasses, he seemed to be caught off guard.</p><p>"read your favourite one. i want to know what kind of stuff you're into, jaebeom." the younger giggled, only getting a bit closer again.</p><p>he somehow didn't feel too shy around him, he didn't feel like jaebeom had this aura, everyone else had, this dark and dominating aura that was scaring youngjae, yet making him feel so attracted to all those men.</p><p>the way they'd look down on him, making him feel like the smol boy he was, he liked that but feeling like they were on the same level was even better.</p><p>jaebeom nod, flicked through the pages with his slender fingers. "okay are you ready?"</p><p>a giggle left his lips.</p><p>"always."</p><p>"when ice melts away, it brings sadness. when it doesn’t, it brings fear. it slowly melts away without others knowing it for survival," he grew quiet again.</p><p>"yeah. that's it."</p><p>youngjae smiled. "thank you," he said, placing his head against jaebeom’s shoulder, now being able to read the words on the page himself.</p><p>"janus," he mumbled, "that's the author right? what does janus mean? when it doesn't it brings fear? why would i be afraid of ice?"</p><p>jaebeom giggled again, the sound of it making youngjae's heart flutter. "you don't understand?"</p><p>"not really," he confessed feeling a bit dumb and embarrassed.</p><p>"you should think about it. you have to interpret it yourself. it doesn't make sense if i explain it."</p><p>he still didn't understand but he nodded.</p><p>his mother loved poetry too, there were at least a hundred books at home. maybe he should start reading again.</p><p>"so you're into poetry? or is it literature in general?"</p><p>jaebeom thought for a moment. "i guess i like all kinds of writing. it's beautiful. the way words could describe meticulously accurate how someone feels, there are so many beautiful and meaningful words. it's just really pretty. falling in love with words is so easy but the problem is that the people behind those usually don't use them with care. there are some strong words and feelings that people shouldn't mess around with. you know?"</p><p>and even tho youngjae was probably a little lightheaded when it came to those things he indeed understood.</p><p>"i got you."</p><p>both of them smiled for a brief moment, before turning away again.</p><p>youngjae wanted to slap himself in the face. he had turned away from the handsome boy who was currently lying right next to him.</p><p>but jaebeom as well, he was silently debating whether or not he should just slam his head against the night stand.</p><p>"youngjae," jaebeom now started the conversation, silently placing his book on the mattress, waiting for youngjae to turn around again.</p><p>he was getting closer to the boy now, youngjae jolting a bit as jaebeom's legs brushed against his own.</p><p>"you know, i've been wanting to talk to you for a while," he confessed, his fingers finding youngjae's under the soft covers, intertwining them. "i didn't want to be one of them."</p><p>"you're not." his honey blonde strands were falling to his eyes, as he brushed forward, not wanting the older to think that way.</p><p>their heads met in the middle, a light noise echoing through the room.</p><p>"ouch," they both said, only seconds later chuckling over the incident.</p><p>youngjae wanted to apologise as they calmed their voices again but jaebeom wouldn't let him.</p><p>it was him now closing the distance but it wasn't his head bouncing against youngjae but rather his lips tasting the younger. youngjae shivered under the sudden touch, goosebumps spreading across his body.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. feel you up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>it was him now closing the distance but it wasn't his head bouncing against youngjae but rather his lips tasting the younger. youngjae shivered under the sudden touch, goosebumps spreading across his body.</em>
</p><p>the kiss ended just as quickly as it started, they shared a few gazes again not knowing what was going on in the others head.</p><p>jaebeom was panicking to say the least. was that inappropriate? did he misunderstand youngjae's signs? did he kiss badly?</p><p>youngjae on the other side didn't know if jaebeom was telling the truth, would he be used now because this man was just as lonely as him?</p><p>but it didn't matter. only seconds later it didn't matter anymore, all that mattered were the bitter sweet lips of jaebeom and the way they felt warm and soft against youngjae's.</p><p>he leaned in again, wanting to taste him again, the flavour of alcohol and cigarettes mixed with a far-off taste of mint spreading through his mouth. their kiss didn't end quick this time, both of them started to get used to the feeling of the others lips.</p><p>jaebeom was the first one to request access to the others tongue. the younger nearly moaned when jaebeom started to explore his wet cavern, letting their muscles swirl around in anticipation.</p><p>their lips parted just for the two of them to get into a more comfortable position. they sat up, jaebeom swirling his fingers around the others neck, slowly pulling him closer. the slender boy straddled the other, not wanting any space between him and his lover.</p><p>he was his lover, right? for this night at least.</p><p>but youngjae couldn't think about this anyways, he felt tension building up in his pants the longer he kissed those perfect lips.</p><p>when jaebeom pulled away from the lip lock again youngjae gasped for air, feeling the other trailing down soft pecks down his neck, biting down his soft skin. he froze only when jaebeom started sucking.</p><p>"w-wait," he blurted out, "that's- you can't."</p><p>he earned a confused gaze. "i thought i'm not like them?"</p><p>youngjae's legs trembled. he got off of jaebeom's lap, being a bit overwhelmed.</p><p>"i'm sorry… this was a bad idea-"</p><p>the black haired male furrowed his brows. "what is it that makes you so afraid of a hickey? it's not like it's gonna kill you?"</p><p>youngjae shrugs. "you don't get it."</p><p>silence.</p><p>jaebeom wanted to ask for an explanation but he assumed that there wasn't just one explanation. jaebeom assumed that it was similar to the poetry, that he would have to learn and understand it all by himself.</p><p>so he only nodded. "well then help me understand," he mumbled, catching the other off guard, "if i do not get you then give me a chance to understand. give me a chance to prove you that a hickey is not bad. it won't cause any harm. mark me up if it helps you. but don't treat me like i am one of them. don't make me follow some stupid rules-"</p><p>"they're not stupid," youngjae blabbered out, "i've never been going further than that, it scares the shit out of me! i'm not as confident as you might think." youngjae fiddled with the hem of his shirt until jaebeom's hands stopped him.</p><p>"me neither." and with only those two little words he asked a hundred more questions.</p><p>was youngjae afraid of jaebeom? would he mind going further with him? would he want to try it?</p><p>but none of them asked.</p><p>instead they leaned in to press their lips together. it was like their own language, a language both spoke all too well.</p><p>this time jaebeom grabbed the younger’s thighs, placing him on his lap, enjoying the heat youngjae was giving off. his fingers dipped under the younger’s shirt, touching the warm skin with his cold, shaking fingers.</p><p>jaebeom was excited, this was pretty much his first time really making out with someone, having the intention to probably go way further. it was arousing, yet it scared him.</p><p>the younger on top felt the same, he felt just as anxious as jaebeom did even though those kisses were nothing new to him.</p><p>it wasn't unusual for him to end in a situation like this, it wasn't the first time that he'd end up drunk, talking about how lonely he was and it was definitely not the first time he'd ask for help with this.</p><p>but it was different that night, it wasn't just one of those nights where he would make out until they couldn't stand the pressure in their pants anymore, until they'd make each other cum all over.</p><p>jaebeom was right he wasn't just one of those guys, jaebeom was someone special, someone whose heart and soul shouldnt be played like that.</p><p>"do you really wanna do that kind of things with me?" youngjae whispered in between their kisses having jaebeom only nodding at him, "you know what kind of guy i am… you deserve better than that."</p><p>but jaebeom didn't listen properly, he was too busy peppering kisses down the younger's neck again, sucking in his porcelain skin and leaving a dark mark.</p><p>"i doubt that there's someone better than you."</p><p>his fingers made their way up youngjae's spine until the shirt barely hid any of his back, making him lift his arms for jaebeom to undress him. he looked at him from the top to the point where their hips disappeared underneath the blankets.</p><p>youngjae's cheeks burned bright red, his face heating up not knowing how to handle this compliment.</p><p>it didn't take them long to get undressed only sitting there in their boxershorts, their crotches building up a nice friction with every muscle they move. youngjae was still sitting in the others lap, his skin pressed against jaebeom's, his arms lazily around his neck while their lips kept their steady dance.</p><p>the feeling of anxiety was far gone, they were too occupied with each other.</p><p>"we don't have to do anything tho," jaebeom had told him, whispering against his cheeks while pecking it over and over again.</p><p>but youngjae wanted to.</p><p>youngjae didn't want to call it a night anymore, he wanted it all no matter how much it scared him.</p><p>both of their pants couldn't hide the excitement anymore, both of them having dark stains from their leaking erections already, the fabric stretching unpleasant. the older’s fingers dipped under the waistband of youngjae's boxershorts, cupping his butt cheek, making both of them giggle.</p><p>all this were first times for them. touching someone in such intimate spaces, being almost fully naked, clinging onto someone as if they're about to leave. the more jaebeom's hands disappeared under the blue fabric the more it lowered, exposing youngjae's whole fine back side. youngjae jolted, feeling the cool air around his bottom, hiding his face a bit as he grew embarrassed.</p><p>"is it okay?" he nodded against the crook of jaebeom's neck.</p><p>they didn't waste any more time, the older helped him out of the shorts, almost ripping them, before he got rid of his own.</p><p>they haven't been touching each other really, only hovering their fingers over each other's chest and back, they haven't even properly looked at each other too embarrassed to even risk a look at their members standing tall in between their legs. but they could fully feel each other at this point, youngjae quickly hiding back in jaebeom's neck again.</p><p>the black haired smiled a bit, brushing over the other's soft hair. "don't be shy now," he whispered, adjusting his seat, making youngjae moan due to their dicks rubbing together.</p><p>goosebumps spread all over jaebeom's body again, the sound of youngjae's voice echoing through his ears was all he wanted.</p><p>"again," he demanded, moving against the other another time, earning another low moan. they kept this game going, both moving and panting at the touch.</p><p>youngjae wasn't one to last too long, he felt his orgasm building up in his guts already, stopping jaebeom in his movement.</p><p>"w-wait i-i'm close," he whispered, finally looking at the other.</p><p>jaebeom furrowed his eyebrows. "already?" he replied, almost a bit surprised, earning a smack from the slender boy.</p><p>"i d-don't want to cum already. i thought we… we try things out," his voice turned more and more into a whisper, his cheeks to the tip of his ears colored in a light crimson.</p><p>"try things out?"</p><p>youngjae couldn't take the teasing tone in jaebeom's voice, couldn't deal with the way his dark orbs were staring him down. "dear lord, i really hate you so much," youngjae blurted out, trying to get away, but jaebeom held him in place, harshly slapping his bottom once.</p><p>the younger whined, feeling his body shivering from the sudden dominant move. "ouch," he mumbled, giving the older a shy look through the curtain of his lashes. a tight grip around his cheek made him jolt in the place again, only getting closer to jaebeom’s body again.</p><p>"we can indeed try things out," he whispered against youngjae's lips, again connecting them.</p><p>youngjae's body trembled, the cool air making the feeling's only more overwhelming. "y-you know what i am talking about, right? with trying things out? you know what i mean, don't you?"</p><p>jaebeom smirked a bit, shaking his head. "now that you're asking… i don't know. please tell me what you want to try," he whispered but though he was acting tough, youngjae could feel his fingers shaking against his soft, milky skin, when he tried to caress it.</p><p>"let's have sex, jaebeom."</p><p>youngjae was biting down his tongue the second after blurting it out, his cheeks hot and warm and red more than ever.</p><p>but jaebeom was just as embarrassed and shy, he didn't expect him to just say it that bluntly, he expected him talking around the bush, wanted to tease him a little more.</p><p>"i mean- yeah, sure?"</p><p>not like he didn't want to, he just never did it.</p><p>he was sincere when he said that he has never shared the bed with anyone, the thought of it usually scaring him but right now exciting him more than ever.</p><p>"it's just that i have no clue how to… how to do this, you know. i've… never got that far." youngjae bit his lips.</p><p>both of them were completely new to this kind of things.</p><p>"i mean, i know that from… from porn, but i-"</p><p>"me neither. i have never tried anything," youngjae replied, wanting to make jaebeom stop talking. "let's just… you know, try it."</p><p>they kept silent for a few moments again, only nodding after a while. it was too awkward for them to start over again, youngjae couldn't stand it and started to giggle. "i guess we messed it up now," he stated and made jaebeom laugh as well.</p><p>"i am sorry," jaebeom mumbled and leaned in to steal a kiss from his swollen lips, "you know i might not be the best choice for your first time."</p><p>but youngjae shook his head. "i believe that you are the best choice."</p><p>and even though it wasn't youngjae's intention he built up the tension between them with those little words again. the kisses felt so soft and loving, so passionate, youngjae could feel how bad he had wanted this, he felt how much he needed this.</p><p>"i assume that we don't have lube here, right?" jaebeom shook his head.</p><p>"but i heard saliva will work?"</p><p>youngjae looked down onto his fingers, hesitating a bit, before he took one in between his lips.</p><p>"what- i think i should-"</p><p>but he shook his head, pulling the finger out with a low pop. "just because you're gonna top doesn't mean i am being all submissive."</p><p>jaebeom was again taken aback from youngjae's temper, only smiling this time. “so you're gonna prepare yourself by yourself?" youngjae thought for a moment until he understood and nodded.</p><p>"yeah i'm gonna… prepare myself."</p><p>it was a strange term he thought, but he didn't care too much, only letting his finger slip in between his cheeks, feeling his own rim clenching around nothing.</p><p>he swallowed hard, giving jaebeom a worried look, who only smiled at him in reassurance.</p><p>it was a quite weird feeling when he first pushed the tip of his finger into his own tight heat, biting down his own lip at the new feeling. he locked eyes with jaebeom again, who now looked just as worried as the younger boy.</p><p>for anyone else this situation probably would be hilarious, they'd laugh it off, giggle about how awkward and shy they were, but youngjae and jaebeom were both equally scared and unsure about this, yet both wanted this, they actually needed this.</p><p>feeling wanted, feeling loved.</p><p>even though it might be due to the alcohol or the equal emotion of being lonely and unwanted, even though it might be a lie. even though every kiss, every compliment might be a lie, they both loved to swallow up every single of those beautiful lies, the words ringing in their ears all night.</p><p>youngjae took his courage and pushed the finger deeper, shivering as the feeling was less pleasant than he hoped. "i don't know about this, jaebeom," he words his uneasiness, trying to push deeper, only to whimper at the pain.</p><p>"i… i also heard kissing helps," the older male whispered, not wasting another second to press kisses onto youngjae's warm skin, working their way up to his lips.</p><p>the blonde didn't move his finger anymore, getting used to the new feeling until he forgot about it.</p><p>he was drowning in jaebeom's kisses again, only to be brought back to reality by the latter grabbing his hand and pushing the finger in knuckle-deep.</p><p>youngjae felt himself clenching a bit, shuddering as he brushed against a very special spot. it felt better now, he got used to it, his body got used to the new and strange feeling, it felt good now, pleasable even.</p><p>"what now", youngjae asked, not moving his finger or hand or any muscles at all, staring the other down, waiting for his response.</p><p>but instead of an answer jaebeom pushed youngjae's hips up and then back down, making him ride his finger, low moans slipping off his lips, echoing from the walls.</p><p>"another finger," he whispered into youngjae's ear, making him shiver at the thought.</p><p>"what if it hurts again-"</p><p>"the pain didn't last, right?"</p><p>and youngjae nodded his head a tiny bit before he paused in his motion, trying to slip another finger into his now wet hole. another whimper left his lips as it fits in easily, another wave of slight pain shivering through youngjae before it changed into bare pleasure.</p><p>"is it good?" jaebeom asked, eyes dripping with lust from the delicious view he had. the sight in front of him was mesmerizing, pleasing even, jaebeom could feel himself getting even harder from the view - not like he wasn’t rock hard already, his member red and tall, almost painful since he hasn't been touched at all up to this point, only dripping precum on the sheets.</p><p>the younger felt jaebeom's intense stares, an embarrassed blush appearing on his cheeks. "don't look at me like that," he murmured and tried to hide his face while riding his fingers.</p><p>but jaebeom wouldn't let him, he wanted to capture every face the younger made, every noise, every move, he wanted to see it all, not missing a single thing.</p><p>"j-jaebeom," the other choked out, moaning a bit as he moved again, "let's stop this a-and get to the real thing."</p><p>jaebeom's ears started to ring, having a quick look down to his own and youngjae's neglected member, covered in precum, slick at the touch jaebeom gave it. he shivered as he felt his own cold fingers around his length, spreading the liquid everywhere.</p><p>"yeah," he managed to say, feeling like his ability to speak fading further away with every moment that passed. "you should like… lay down i guess?" it was more of a question, jaebeom didn't really know what to do, feeling overwhelmed by the pressure in between his legs, the nice, hot tension between him and the younger blonde male, the filthy, arousing sight.</p><p>youngjae was feeling just as lost, his eyes glued to the black haired males fingers around his own tip, slowly sliding down and back up. he felt like he was about to start drooling, the arousal clouding his head more than the alcohol could ever.</p><p>youngjae pulled out his fingers, shivering at the sudden feeling of being empty, missing everything about it already, started by the pain at the very start to the lovely tingly feeling when he could finally move his hips.</p><p>the blonde male didn't lose any more time, crawling closer towards jaebeom, though he has only been inches away, pushing his hand away. they shared a few insecure looks, both having their ways with each other in their heads.</p><p>jaebeom thinking about how he would push youngjae down into the sheets, his grip tight around his wrists, pinning them down next to his head, he could only imagine the beautiful, filthy sounds that would slip over youngjae's lips, the thought of them both having some sort of dirty talk while fucking only arousing him more.</p><p>youngjae on the other hand was still convinced that he wouldn't be all submissive just as he had told jaebeom minutes ago.</p><p>the other being caught off guard when youngjae holds his base in place, lifting himself up and hovering over him, one hand still buried between their legs, the other in a tight grip on jaebeom's shoulders, his legs trembling again from the excitement and equal fear.</p><p>jaebeom was definitely bigger than his slender fingers.</p><p>"wait- what are you doing?" jaebeom stopped youngjae in his motion, held him in place. the latter gulped, shrugging a bit.</p><p>to be honest all his actions were pretty much intuitive at this point, he wasn't really thinking anymore. only following the burning sensation he felt, the want, the need.</p><p>"i told you i wouldn't be submissive," he answered, making jaebeom giggle a bit.</p><p>"you should at least let me help you," he answered, moving his hands to youngjae's butt cheeks, cupping each in one hand, slightly pulling them apart.</p><p>youngjae gasped, when jaebeom pushed him further down, feeling the tip touching his bottom now, slightly trying to push in. he felt himself stretching around the hot flesh, a sharp pain spreading through his body.</p><p>"i don't think it'll fit," he murmurs worriedly, his gaze falling down between their legs, jaebeom only cupping his cheek and locking their lips again.</p><p>"just look at me, okay?" he muttered, peppering a few more kisses onto the younger's cheek and neck "trust me it'll fit and it'll feel great."</p><p>and even though youngjae knew that jaebeom couldn't know because he was just as inexperienced as youngjae, he trusted him, he gave in, relaxing a bit at the touch.</p><p>it still hurt when jaebeom grabbed his hips, guiding him further down yet it felt like heaven. the pain in his lower body wasn't pleasing but the feeling of the older buried deep inside him made it all good. youngjae moved on his own at some point, eager to have all of jaebeom, he felt almost desperate to reach the base, gasping and biting his lip when he felt himself filled balls deep.</p><p>"oh my- fuck," he panted out, hiding his blushed face in the crook of jaebeom's neck. both overwhelmed again from the sensation, from the intimacy, the trust.</p><p>jaebeom could feel youngjae and so did youngjae.</p><p>they could feel every inch of each other, every motion, every yet so little move, both their hearts beating like crazy against their chests, when they held each other close, trying to get used to the feeling.</p><p>jaebeom felt like he could cum right away, just from the feeling, the tight fit from youngjae's ass around his dick.</p><p>after both of them calmed down a bit, getting used to the intense feeling they parted again, looking at each other, still barely leaving a few inches in between them.</p><p>"move," jaebeom whispered, his breath tickling on youngjae's lips. they brushed together again, as youngjae lifted his hips a first time, falling back down into the others lap with a moan.</p><p>"again," jaebeom pleaded, his hands wrapping around the younger’s hips and back to support him when he bopped up and down another time.</p><p>jaebeom groaned, the sound of it mixed with youngjae's own moans, as he got a steady rhythm of bouncing. his forehead leaning against jaebeom's, they shared a few heated kisses, moaning in between.</p><p>"talk to me," jaebeom demanded at some point, wanting to know, to hear, how good he made youngjae feel.</p><p>but youngjae was too caught up in moving and panting to give a proper answer. jaebeom held him in place again, pushing him even further down, catching youngjae off guard and moaning even louder again.</p><p>not like he wasn’t exceedingly loud anyways, the neighbours he was so worried about when he first entered the hallway were long forgotten.</p><p>"youngjae," the older repeated "talk to me."</p><p>youngjae gulped again, staring down into the dark orbs of the other. "i- what should i-"</p><p>"is it good?" youngjae didn't understand why he should word it when it obviously was fucking good. not like he wasn’t a moaning mess in his lap already.</p><p>the boy only nodded a bit, waiting to lift his hips again, eager to keep going. "let's not stop please," he whimpered, burying his face back in jaebeom's neck, "please i need you so much."</p><p>the black haired only nod against the slender boy's skin, again supporting him in his steady thrusts up- and downwards.</p><p>the motion was not as quick as before, it was sensual, almost painfully slow.</p><p>"just wanting to make sure you're feeling good," he whispered, kissing whatever skin he could reach before youngjae looked at him again, pressing a kiss onto his lips.</p><p>it was a passionate kiss, not heated and hungry like before, it was slow, just as slow as youngjae moved on jaebeom's dick, not enough to have them screaming in pleasure but just enough to keep the steady friction, to have them groan in want, the patience pushed to the edge and further.</p><p>"it's good. perfect even," youngjae whispered as they parted, his fingers caressing the back of jaebeom's neck, it was sticky just a bit from the sweat, his skin burning, a few more of his black locks falling out of the man bun his hair was tied in.</p><p>they got lost in each other's eyes again, their hearts still beating painfully hard against their ribs, pretty sure that the other could hear it.</p><p>but none of them minded.</p><p>they were so exposed to each other, stripped down not only off their clothes but it felt like they could look right through each other.</p><p>this very moment felt so right, so good, it should last forever.</p><p>"you're perfect," was all jaebeom could reply, only split seconds before he couldn't stop himself from kissing the beautiful lips in front of him again.</p><p>jaebeom missed the friction around his dick from whenever youngjae was moving and clenching around him. it was unbelievable that this was his first time, he knew just perfectly what to do and how to make jaebeom lose his mind. they broke their kisses now and then, only to moan into each other's mouth, swallowing the beautiful sounds of it, trying to muffle it at least a bit.</p><p>but the neighbours by now probably knew anyways, the bed rocked against the wall, most of their sounds were loud and unexcused but who were they to care. it felt too good to just suppress any of it, they were too caught up in each other to think about others.</p><p>youngjae tightly held onto jaebeom's shoulders, one of his hands finding its way to his face, carefully brushing his messy strands of hair off his face, his fingers following, lovingly stroking through his hair.</p><p>youngjae was curious, he didn't see him with his hair fully untied, so he leaned in, kissing him again, his fingers softly getting a grip of the hair tie holding the bun up. the younger smirked a bit into the kiss as he felt the hair loosen up, falling down onto jaebeom's neck and shoulders. he looked at him for a second, only smiling at how handsome he looked with the dark locks, holy, youngjae could look at him all day long without getting tired of it.</p><p>jaebeom leaned in again, youngjae's hands now able to tangle up in the black hair, grabbing fists full of it, pulling his top closer, parting his lips more to make their tongues dance until they would feel numb.</p><p>both their hips now moving at a steady pace, jaebeom thrusting up, whenever youngjae would lead his hips downwards. it felt so good, fuck it felt just right. both held onto each other as if they were to die, as if there were nothing more important in the world than having sex in this very moment with each other.</p><p>and maybe it was. maybe there was nothing better they could have done.</p><p>youngjae at some point felt his legs shaking, the way getting up and down in jaebeom's lap would become harder with every time he lifted himself up, the tight knot in his stomach more and more present. his vision was graced with stars, every time the older one would find this one special spot again, bringing him only closer to the edge.</p><p>he would cum and this would probably be the best orgasm he ever had.</p><p>the older felt youngjae struggling, wanted to reach down, helping him reach his high but the latter vigorously shook his head.</p><p>"don't, i-" but youngjae was interrupted already, by his hips stuttering up and a loud moan leaving his lips. he tried to muffle it, hiding into jaebeom's neck but he held him in place, again not wanting to miss a thing about his beautiful face, his body shaking from the almost aching sensation, white spurting out of his own untouched member coating it along with both of their abdomen.</p><p>jaebeom didn't stop moving, fucking youngjae until he came down from his high and into oversensitivity. the way he would clench his walls around jaebeom made him almost dizzy. whines built up in youngjae's throat, slipping off his lips.</p><p>the black haired wanted to stop when the boy on top weakly collapsed into his chest, barely able to hold himself up properly, wanted to pull out and jerk himself to his own orgasm but youngjae denied.</p><p>"i want- you should cum too," he whispered, rocking his hips against jaebeom, almost desperate to feel him.</p><p>"sure?" the older wanted to make sure that he didn't hurt the precious boy in his lap or make him somewhat uncomfortable but he just nodded, eagerly moving his hips back and forth.</p><p>jaebeom held him still, moving on his own now, thrusting up in a pace and force that had youngjae choke every time he felt him doing it again.</p><p>tears swelled in his eyes from the slight pain that came with him being way too sensitive right in that moment but the overwhelming pleasure that came along with the pain, the thought of making jaebeom cum were just too inviting to stop.</p><p>he had kissed so many men, he had touched so many dicks, imagined much worse at times, but youngjae had never felt so filthy and vulnerable like in this very moment.</p><p>he wouldn't have any of them see him like this let alone wasting a thought on being fucked by one of them.</p><p>jaebeom was the first and only one he considered it with but jaebeom wasn't one of them anyways.</p><p>youngjae felt a bit embarrassed about his thoughts, he shouldn't compare him to them, he shouldn't waste a single second not thinking about jaebeom in his arms.</p><p>youngjae wrapped his arms lazily around the black haired males neck, burying his head in his neck, letting the older have his ways on him, chasing his orgasm so desperately.</p><p>the older came with a low groan, pushing the younger down while he tried to bury himself even further into the tight heat.</p><p>a sob left youngjae, he clutched tighter onto the older, who had his arms wrapped around his back, holding on for dear life. youngjae's fingers desperately tried to hold onto jaebeom, sliding down his back as he couldn't, nails buried deep into the skin, enough to leave dark red streaks.</p><p>jaebeom's back felt sore, it wasn't exactly the first nor the only time that the younger scratched his back.</p><p>the boy's whole body was trembling at this point, only more tears streaming down his face, low sobs leaving his lips.</p><p>jaebeom wanted to parten, he wanted to look at the younger, worried sick that he did something to hurt him. "are you all right?" he asked as the blonde wouldn't let go, only pressing his body closer to the older.</p><p>youngjae only nodded, breathing shakily against the warm skin.</p><p>"why are you crying?"</p><p>he just shrugged. it wasn't a lie though, he didn't know, he was overwhelmed by the sensation, maybe a little bit in pain, it was just incredible and he couldn't take it at that point.</p><p>"it's not a bad kind of crying," he voiced, brushing the tears off his cheeks, his voice husky and rough.</p><p>they stayed like that for a few minutes, both realizing what just happened between them. they were actually strangers and they just lost their virginity to each other. a stranger, probably a one-night-stand.</p><p>when they finally loosen their hug, jaebeom still looked a bit worried, the younger's eyes swollen from crying which broke his heart. "did i really not hurt you?"</p><p>and youngjae nodded in reassurance, smiling a bit at the older. "it was really good, i couldn't handle all that so… it just- i didn't want to cry."</p><p>but he didn't care all too much anyways, it's okay when jaebeom sees him crying, it's okay to be vulnerable and weak around him.</p><p>jaebeom lifted the younger off his lap, both groaning a bit as jaebeom eventually slid out of the younger. "i'll quickly grab a towel to clean you off, alright?" he whispered as he got up, still naked, his bare body entertaining youngjae all the way.</p><p>his long hair, his broad shoulders drawn with red marks, the slender hips, the thick thighs, dear lord, he really got laid by such a handsome man.</p><p>jaebeom came back just as quickly as he left, a semi-wet towel in his hands. his own stomach was neat and clean already, now he brushed the warm fabric over the younger's body, not breaking their gaze even once.</p><p>"how are you supposed to get rid of the cum when you keep staring at me," youngjae whispered shyly, giggling a bit. it was as if youngjae's smile was infectious, a wide grin also showed on the olders face.</p><p>"you're so pretty, you know."</p><p>usually youngjae would cringe at these words but they came from jaebeom, they were so sincere and honest that it made his heart skip a beat or two.</p><p>"and you're cheesy. is that what happens after sex?"</p><p>he tried to laugh off his crimson colored cheeks, but jaebeom saw and couldn't hide his smile growing even wider.</p><p>youngjae shifted in his seat, only moaning again when he felt the consequences of not letting the older pull out when he wanted. the older gave him a confused look, having youngjae only blush in a darker tone of red. "i- uh you know, i'm kind of… leaking."</p><p>it took a few moments for jaebeom to understand, but he got a bit closer again, smirking filthy. he definitely got confident after the countless praise of youngjae, if not cocky.</p><p>it was around four a.m. when both of them were completely clean, the room now lying in total darkness.</p><p>jaebeom and youngjae were snuggled into each other's arms, the older slumbering safe and sound while youngjae couldn't waste a thought on sleep.</p><p>all he could think about was jaebeom and the way his skin had this intoxicating scent of strawberry mixed with his dark, masculine small, he couldn't get his mind off of jaebeom's soft and sweet lips, couldn't forget his hot skin lingered on his own, his fingers trailing over every curve of his slender figure, making him shiver and moan in pleasure.</p><p>his whole body was wrecked and covered in marks from either jaebeom's hands, teeth or lips. the way jaebeom had looked at him, the way he had taken care of him was so special, so unique, he wished he could have him this way every day.</p><p>not only the sex but the way his eyes showed all his emotions while his lips stayed rather quiet, the way he wanted to make sure, that youngjae was okay every second of the shared time.</p><p>jaebeom was incredible.</p><p>as the sun started rising youngjae was still wide awake, thinking about whether he should regret earlier that night or not.</p><p>it was great, he couldn't compare but the sex definitely was great, that's not what made him slightly regret it nor the fact that they were basically strangers.</p><p>it was the beating of his heart, the way he was intoxicated by his skin, already addicted to his lips and eyes, the way he couldn't get enough of jaebeom's voice.</p><p>by now they were spooning, jaebeom having his arms lazily around the younger, making it easy for him to shimmy out of his grip and get dressed.</p><p>"i am so sorry jaebeom," he whispered under his breath while getting dressed.</p><p>he couldn't, he just couldn't.</p><p>yeah, jaebeom wasn't one of them but youngjae wasn't ready to be someone special to jaebeom too.</p><p>he grabbed his shoes and looked at the older through the open door one more time. dear lord, he felt so bad for opening the door and closing it again but he did. he left the warm apartment, feeling his heart break a bit at the thought of how disappointed jaebeom would be.</p><p>the older woke up when the sun started peeping through the window. he covered his eyes a bit, shifting around.</p><p>when he opened his eyes he was greeted by an empty bed, his hands looking for the warm figure that was wrapped up in his arms just hours ago.</p><p>"youngjae?"</p><p>he called out, getting up, quickly grabbing his boxershorts off the floor.</p><p>"youngjae?"</p><p>he tried again as he got up and grabbed his glasses. "what the- youngjae, that's not funny. ha ha you got me, you can come-"</p><p>he stopped when he saw a smol note sticking out of his book.</p><p>he took it to hand, opening it, seeing that it was the poem he had read out late that night.</p><p>"i guess i understand janus now," the note says, "and i guess i am exactly like the ice. i am sorry jaebeom."</p><p>the older couldn't believe that youngjae left, he didn't want to believe it.</p><p>this must be a sick joke, that must be youngjae's kind of humour.</p><p>jaebeom skipped through every room but he was nowhere around. he decided to go look for him, it was still early, youngjae didn't know where he was, he couldn't be far.</p><p>jaebeom quickly got dressed, his hair again tied up messily, covered with the huge hood.</p><p>for a moment he regretted not being completely honest towards him, he regretted not telling him about this one time that life has been too rough to him, that one time where he wanted to end it, it wasn't his cat, the lie was so obvious and still youngjae had bought it.</p><p>maybe because he had lied just as much as jaebeom did.</p><p>god, if he had just told him how he suffers anxiety in the huge mansion that he calls his home, his family long dead, no one around anymore, if he had just told him how he is so lonely and devastated.</p><p>jaebeom opened the door, ready to stumble out when he faced youngjae again, who was just standing there, looking at him as if he was about to have a heart attack.</p><p>"i feel like i owe you an apology-"</p><p>youngjae started but jaebeom just pulled him into a hug.</p><p>"just shut up and promise not to leave again."</p><p>and even though youngjae felt like he couldn't be someone special to jaebeom, even though he felt like he didn't deserve to be that special person to jaebeom, he gave in, hugging him back and holding onto him as if his life is depending on it.</p><p>and if all the lies suddenly turned into the truth, then jaebeom indeed would be youngjae's lover and youngjae knew falling in love with the tall and strong man in front of him would be as easy as melting into his loving embrace.</p>
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